Don’t Let ‘Em Snow Ya
It had been snowing for 3 days and it finally stopped last night. Since it was Saturday morning I decided to let the kids sleep in and make them a good old fashioned pancake breakfast to fuel them up for a fun day building a snowman. I knew they would be stoked because we hadn’t built one in five years and we had 24 inches of fresh snow. This is the series of events after we finished breakfast.
10:00 am: – We gathered all the materials and hit the yard.
12:00 pm: – We finished the snowman and started taking pictures to send the relatives.
12:15 pm: – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
12:20 pm: – We, changed our creation and made it a snow woman.
12:25 pm: – The neighborhood nosey neighbor complained about the snow woman’s chest, saying it objectified snow women.
12:35 pm: – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.
12:45 pm: – The transgender man…women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
12:55 pm: – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
1:05 pm: – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
1:15 pm: – I used the kid’s tempera paint to make one of the snow couple a different color to be more racially inclusive.
1:35 pm: – Accused of using black face on the snowman…I mean snow persons.
1:55 pm: – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.
2:15 pm: – The police arrived saying someone had been offended.
2:27 pm: – The nosey neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
2:27 pm: – The neighborhood association officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
2:47 pm: – TV news crew showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and I’m now called a sexist.
5:00 pm: – I was the lead story on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble just after the difficult weather had ended.
5:30 pm: – My children were taken by social services for being accomplices.
6:00 pm: – Typical politically correct everything protesters offended by everything showed up for the six o’clock news and marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
6:15 pm: – The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.
6:30 pm: – I hit the Jim Beam Black because all I wanted to do was build a traditional snowman with my kids and the world invaded and ruined our day.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It’s what the world has become because of a bunch of righteous, self-centered, everybody gets a trophy, social media misfits and a media that capitalizes on short attention spans and even shorter memories! Who would have thought a harmless tradition like building a Snowman with your family could be destroyed by a bunch of Snowflakes!